When my colleagues Claudine Tantillo, Principal of Westlake School, and Danielle Cicalese, Supervisor of Instruction at Crossroads School, and I sat down to design a presentation for the 2023 NJASA/NJPSA Women’s Leadership Conference, we began discussing our unique paths to become educational leaders. Two things were immediately apparent: 1. Our experiences and challenges defined us and the leaders we have become, and 2. We are very different but equally effective leaders. So, we set out to answer the question of how our unique but authentic leadership styles provide us with the skills necessary to face challenges successfully.

As a child, I was frequently compared to Lucy from Peanuts. Who am I kidding? As recently as ten years ago, I received a birthday card featuring Lucy directing her own celebration. The comparison was apt. I was loud. I talked more than I listened. I was always telling everyone else what to do, otherwise known as being bossy. I took pride in being compared to Lucy because I saw her differently than others. I realized that if the rest of the Peanuts had just listened to her and maybe asked for her input occasionally, she wouldn’t have had to yell so loud.

But unfortunately, much of society does not get Lucy as I do.  A 2011 study by Dr. Kim Elsesser indicated that even though 54% of study participants stated no preference for the gender of a leader, the remaining participants preferred a male by a 2:1 ratio, with most of the individuals who indicated that they preferred a male leader being female (p. 1555). Participants who indicated that they would prefer a male boss claimed this was because “female managers tended to be too ‘emotional,’ ‘moody,’ ‘catty,’ ‘gossipy,’ ‘bitchy,’ ‘backstabbing,’ ‘dramatic,’ ‘jealous,’ and ‘petty’ (Elsesser & Lever, 2011, p. 1570). We’ve all heard adjectives such as these used to belittle females. Many of us had these words used to describe us, and the intent is never to complement. However, when we remove the gendered terms and look into the root behavior, we see that females possess many of the traits necessary for successful leadership (see below). 

Dr. Elsesser went further in her research and looked into participants’ perspectives of the leaders they worked for. Those individuals who worked for female leaders noted that gender bias did not exist to the same extent. This data is encouraging and demonstrates an important lesson.

Gender stereotypes tend to disappear once we get to know a person and observe their skills. Think about male leaders portrayed in Hollywood. It isn’t their gender that drives our perceptions of their leadership skills; it is their actual behaviors as leaders. No one would want to work for Mr. Burns from The Simpsons, not because he is a man, but because he is diabolical. Similarly, most people would find themselves fortunate to work for Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid because he leads by example, gives us the freedom to take ownership of our work, and then celebrates with us when we succeed or empathizes and guides us when we fail. But what about Hollywood’s portrayals of female leaders? What about Lucy? Would we want to work for her? What about Hermione from Harry Potter? At first glance, these women have a lot of knowledge and ideas, but Hollywood portrays them as pushy and loud. No wonder more of society does not want a female boss.

If Dr. Elsesser’s research holds true, once working for Lucy or Hermione, we will stop judging them for being “bossy” or “overbearing” and instead judge them based on how they lead. Hopefully, we will stop using adjectives such as “dramatic” or “emotional” and begin using adjectives such as “energetic” and “compassionate.” Our language would shift from gendered terms to words that, although they mean close to the same thing, have a positive connotation. 

Finding the courage and confidence to examine gendered language and see the traits behind those words, the unabashed leadership skills we possess, is only the first step. We must then see those traits in ourselves and feel comfortable utilizing them in our capacity as educators.

Like many aspiring female leaders, I felt that the only way to succeed was to emulate the traits of the leaders I admired, and sometimes even those I did not admire but saw as successful. However, as much as I attempted to do this, I always found myself interrupting, giving directives, and doing everything I could to ensure things were done my way. I would become frustrated at my inability to lead as my role models did. At the same time, I started to notice something in the teachers I supervised. Although there were common traits of highly effective teachers, there were also quite a few differences. In fact, two teachers could teach the same content in two completely different ways, and both could be effective. The same held true when I moved to a Central Office position and began working more with other school leaders. Two principals with completely different leadership skills both led successful schools. As I began to dig deeper into these observations, I began to see this pattern everywhere. I had two very different grandmothers who were both amazing matriarchs. My sister and I chose opposite birth plans, but we both had beautiful, healthy, fantastic children.  Just because someone finds success using one set of strategies does not mean it is the only set of techniques that will be effective. So, little by little, I began to trust myself to be myself. I began to lead authentically, utilizing my strengths instead of trying to emulate the strengths of others.

One of the underlying messages of Dr. Brené Brown’s work is that effective leaders need to lean into courage, vulnerability, and empathy. None of those skills require exuding confidence, practical thinking, or poise. They require us to see other people authentically and be in touch with our feelings, both traits that women tend to have. To embrace this leadership model, one must be ready to sit uncomfortably and then work with their team to come out of it stronger. None of this is possible if we are trying to fit into a mold of leadership that does not fit with our authentic selves. Only when we can be our true selves can we be our best selves. And only then can we embrace the challenges with which we are faced daily. 

Reference:
Elsesser, K. M., & Lever, J. (2011). Does gender bias against female leaders persist? Quantitative and qualitative data from a large-scale survey. Human relations, 64(12), 1555-1578.